My Biological Clock Is Ticking?

I haven't written in this thing for a while, but a lot has happened since the last post. School is getting harder and harder by the day. I don't want to be here, and all I can think about is the day I am set free from here! My expected graduation date is December 2008, if I can take the maximum amount of classes over the summer-scratch that, I will take the maximum amount of classes and I will graduate in December!


I have also found myself a wonderful man, we have been together for almost 5 months, and I really could not see my life without him. Lately I have had a BIG pregnancy scare, in fact I still do not know if I am or not. Of course the usual questions have arose in my head, like am I ready to be a parent? Do I even want a baby? How will a baby set off the goals/plans I have for my life? Does my bf want a baby? Can I afford to responsibly take care of a baby? Yea all of that good stuff. You know, sometimes I really do want a baby. I guess I see my friends with their babies and think "I wish I had a baby". But then there are times that I am glad I do not have any kids at the moment. Anyway I went to the doctor to see what was up with my reproductive system, and she said things weren't looking too good- but nothing that wasn't curable. But I thought to myself if I am not pregnant, I MUST be infertile or close to it. I know it takes more than one time to become pregnant, but really, I should have been pregnant by now. I just would like to know if someday I would be able to have any biological children of my own. Although the thought of infertility does not scare or discourage me. I will be a mother, one way or another.It has always been a goal of mine to adopt a child domestically and from Ethiopia-so maybe all of this will work out in the future.

"You want to do what?!"

That is the usual response I get when I tell people what my future career plans are/what I am in school for.

"A Teacher?! You know they don't make no money right?"

Yea it's sad that teachers aren't on the same level as basketball players, but obviously I am not in this for the money. I went from a nursing major to an education major....that should speak volumes lol. Everyone is definitely not cut out to be a teacher, an elementary teacher, an urban elementary teacher at that. You really have to want this or else it's pointless. I guess cause some of my friends can't even think of themselves around a group of kids let alone teaching them, this is not understandable to them. But for my few friends who are in the same boat as me, it's nice to have them to back me up whenever this statement comes up.

The feeling is indescribable when you know that you've helped a child learn something new, and that they are eager to learn more. I miss my little bebe's kids from the elem. school I worked at this past semester. These children were soooooo behind, but all they needed was someone to point them in the right direction. I really enjoyed doing my service learning classes there and it just confirmed my aspirations of being a teacher. I need to go visit them before they get out for school...=]

Black is what?....BEAUTIFUL!!

Somebody asked me the other day, "What are you mixed with? Because your hair doesn't feel/look like 'black' hair?".* Education time*. African-Americans are one of the most mixed races there is. Some of us have kinky-curly hair. Some of us have more straight/wavy hair. Some have long lose curls, others may be short. There is no set 'type' of hair that we have because of all the mixture of different races. Unfortunately a lot of people, including Black/African-American people, don't know this. Everytime someone asks me this, I use it as an opportunity to spread some knowledge.

Summer is finally here...

This summer so far has already topped last year's. This weekend was nothing out of the ordinary, but it just felt like it is officially summer. The sight of kids outside, that 'country' smell of honeysuckle, popsicles, swimming pools, crabs-I just love it. Anyway I am staying at school this summer. I wish I could have stayed at home, but I don't have a car right now, and I needed a job-and that would have been nearly impossible if I was to stay at home. But I went home this weekend and it was pretty good. I came home on Saturday, and played around in our pool-then went over to my friend, RayRay's house.

Even though I just met him a few weeks ago....I feel as though he is about to be my summer crush :-]. I mean I haven't felt so comfortable around a guy in a while, and I mean on some chill type stuff. We ate crabs outside, played cards, watched movies-it was great. I'm still not telling him that he probably knows my EX....that's less important right now. It's just crazy. I haven't had a crush on a guy, like wanting to be his girlfriend type crush, in a while. I mean it's been guys that I like, but I never intended or wanted a relationship from them. But R, I actually like spending quality time with him. We are planning on going to the beach this upcoming weekend, so that should be fun. I'm actually excited. Ha listen to me, I'm starting to sound as if I'm back in HS again...

On a good note, my loan went through for the upcoming school year. I am very relieved because I didn't know what I was going to do if it didn't go through. It didn't get approved a month ago, but God works in mysterious ways....